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He used to like to just watch me walk around. He said only a beautiful woman could glide over the floor, swaying the way I did. He doesn't say that anymore.I don't know who I am these days. I look in my eyes in the mirror and try to see but they show me nothing. I cannot explain to Mark how much I hurt because I have caused him such deep pain. The shame of sleeping with another man is constantly on my mind; I can't shake it. If there were some way of explaining to my husband, my love, how I truly feel, I would do it. He won't listen to me though. I'm afraid I've hurt him too much.We haven't talked much since that day when Mark walked out of the doctor's office--just briefly, and about things to do for, or with, Alyssa. I don't know what to say to him anyway. Doctor Jamison says I need to let my guilt slide away but I don't know how to do that. I am guilty... guilty of cheating on Mark, and Alyssa too. My God, the memories of what I said to him the last night I was with that Brian. And then, quite suddenly, it ceased to matter.It was at a party at my bosses' house and we had been there about an hour when Marlene came up to me and said, "Can I be a whore for you tonight?" I asked her what was up and she told me that three separate guys had hit her on so far that night."One of them is your boss. He was a little more subtle than the other two, but I'll bet you I can get fucked tonight if you want me too." She giggled and said, "Maybe I can get you a raise or maybe even a promotion."I smiled at her; "You just gave me a raise, if you know what I mean."She looked around to see if anyone was watching and then she put her hands on the lump in my trousers, "Does this mean I should go for it, or that you want to take me outside and fuck me on the back seat of the car?"I asked her who the other two guys were and she pointed them out to me. One was a good customer of mine and the other was a man I'd been trying to get as a customer. I was curious to see what Marlene would.
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